Horsemen of Judgment Keep


 
HomeHome  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  MemberlistMemberlist  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 Diet

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Jayde
Warlord
avatar

Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 42
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Diet   Mon Jun 28, 2010 1:40 pm

A few days ago I tried to stuff my increasingly fat ass into a pair of pants I should have thrown away several thousand pounds ago. Despite the fact that the pair of pants resisted with all its might, I was determined. If I was unable to fit in the 2 sizes to small pair of pants I would have to confess that I was gaining a tad bit of weight. The fact that I have broken more chairs than a WWF wrestler just by sitting on them doesn't mean a thing, as long as I can fit into a pair of Levi's. Amazingly with a pair of plyers and girlfriend standing on my stomach I managed to get them zipped and buttoned.

After being stood up like the tin man, I attempted to breath...bad idea...that fucking cheap ass, made in China, assembled by "lighthouse for the blind", (reinforced, solid steel, riveted button) shot across the room like a runaway bullet.

Time for a diet...

I considered jogging but then the image of a grey hippo running down the street with little white spats on made me think otherwise.

Basketball, same image but the hippo has a pumpkin.

Baseball - hippo with a skinned apple

Soccer - hippo kicking a skunk

Football - lineman

...in any event, I decided it was time for a diet. I have been on my diet for 4 days now and I have fired 5 people at work. (It makes me feel better knowing that some of them won't be eating either). I looked up how much I was supposed to eat and at first felt it would be no problem. I saw "steak 7oz." and was tickled thinking sweet I could definatly go for a steak. Then if found out that oz stands for fucking ounces! I don't know what sick twisted brain thinks I am gonna cook a 2 pound steak and only eat 7 ounces!

So as I said I am on day four. I am ready to eat the "Light Tastes" cookbook that I bought and if I don't get something more filling in my stomach other than 4oz.'s of vegetables, I may eat my rottweiler.

FINAL REVIEW: JENNY CRAIG CAN SUCK MY ASS! THERAPY SESSIONS ON HOW TO LIVE WITH FAT IS MONEY BETTER SPENT

_________________
Warlord Jayde
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://hojk.squarespace.com
 
Diet
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Horsemen of Judgment Keep :: Musings :: Alexander - He talks a lot-
Jump to: