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 Stuff I know

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Jayde
Warlord
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Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 42
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Stuff I know   Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:05 pm



I was inspired to write this after seeing someone's post about random thoughts. I did a list of stuff I can't do for the Army...so here is my list of Other stuff I can't do:

I cannot put my dog in charge of watching my woman's food.

I cannot fire my girlfriend, my son or my mom

When my woman asks, "Do I look stupid?" I CANNOT ANSWER.

I cannot tell my girlfriend about ripping her favorite dress while making a homemade ballista while she is on the phone to make her reaction smaller.

I cannot lie and tell my girlfriend I cheated on her to cure her hickups

I cannot urinate on any items in my house to show they belong to me, espically my girlfriend

I cannot beat my chest, dive on my woman, pin her to the ground and claim her as conquered territory.

I cannot explain to my son what an "Rim Job" is by telling him to pull down his pants and kneel down in front of the dog".

I cannot explain to my son ways to get a teen age girl into bed by using military, police or college coersion/verbal judo training techniques.

I cannot use military, police or college coersion/verbal judo training techniques to get my girlfriend into bed.

I cannot have sex talks with my son

"Are you willing to bet your ass on that?" is not the next appropriate question after asking my son to clean his room

"Cleaning Fairies" is not the appropriate answer to my girlfriends question of , "who the hell do think picks up after you?"

"Cleaning fairies" is not the appropriate answer to my girlfriends question of "Who is gonna clean this?"

"Cleaning Fairies" is not the apprpriate answer to my girlfriends question of "Who the do you think cleaned the room?"

"Cleaning Fairies" do not exist

I will not tell my girlfriend she has "Terminal Hypocondria".

I will not convince my girlfriend she has a disease by pointing out imaginary syptoms, no matter how fun it is.

"A blow job" is not an answer for what I want for dinner, lunch or breakfast.

I cannot say "I got mine" and then roll over and try to sleep

Work Stuff:

I cannot use Ritual magic to end my bosses life.

I cannot have the "buy my boss a clue" donation box out in the open when he comes for an walk through.

Journey to Mordor to destroy some jewelry cannot be used on a vacation request

I cannot call the region HR girl who buys coffee supplies "My little Sugar Momma"

Eye4get is not a funny password to give to new employees

Despite the fact that I found one, I cannot use the Office Max Easy Button when my boss gives me a difficult job

I cannot command my office staff to wear shock collars

I am not allowed to tranfer employee calls that I don't like to 900 numbers

I am not allowed to refer to my boss as the Fuhrer or his area controller as the Gestapo.

I cannot change my hold music to AC/DC's "Big Balls"

I cannot give out or send my bosses home address to terrorist organisations

Finding and exact quote of how much it would cost to buy socks with stripes, ruby slippers and an actual house to land on my area collector is not allowed, even if she is impressed with the numbers.

I cannot sacrafise goats to help me come in under budget.

I cannot sacrafise my boss to help me come in under budget.

I cannot send security officers I don't like to guard imaginary things like UFO's, Fall Out Zones, Nuclear Waste Areas or Spider Farms. Even if there is no cost to me.

My laser printer has no kill setting

I cannot end letters to my boss with "Errors have been made. Others will be blamed"

I cannot answer a client with "How about never? Is never good for you?"



Well, that is all for now...in a parting thought...remember

Give a man a fire and he will be warm....Set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Warlord Jayde
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