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Jayde
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Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 42
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Military stuff   Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:07 pm



Just to make sure everyone understands that I am not the only crazy person in the military, I present to you actual entries found on military documents:



Operator entry: "Knocking/tapping sound coming from under the cargo compartment floor. Sounds like little man with a hammer"

Mechanic's reply: "Found little man, took away hammer."

Operator: Whining noise now coming from #2 engine compartment.

Reply: Returned hammer to little man in #2 engine.



Ground Control: "Alpha Henry 485, what's your ride like at two-four-zero?" (24,000 ft.)

AH 485: "It's hard to tell, sir, but the Captain is eating and there are whitecaps on his milk."

Ground Control: "Yeah, 485, thanks for nothing...Alpha Henry 355, you're at 240, what's your ride like?"

Eastern 355: "It's kinda hard to tell, Center…my Captain isn't eating."



ATC: "Delta three-fifty-three, contact Ground Control, one-three-five-point-six."

Pause....

ATC: "Delta three-fifty-three, contact Ground Control, one-three-five-point-six!"

Another pause...

Controller: "Delta three-fifty-three, you're just like my wife...you never listen!"

Delta 353: "Center, this is Delta FIVE-fifty-three. Maybe if you called her by her right name, you might get a better response!"



Helo 2467S: "Ground, Helo 2467 Sierra, how do you read?"

Ground: "On about a twelfth-grade level."



Ground: "Three-four-Alpha, turn right on Hotel, taxi to parking. Bear left, disabled aircraft on the right."

Three-four-Alpha: "Roger, we have the disabled aircraft in sight...looking for the bear."



Vandanburg Tower, to an incoming aircraft: "Apache Nine-one-Zulu, say your position."

91Z: "Uh...over some cows."



Approach Control: "Black Hawk One-Alpha-Bravo, you have unidentified traffic at 2 o'clock, three miles, altitude unknown, over the railroad tracks. Very slow moving primary target...might be a helicopter."

(Long pause...) One-Alpha-Bravo: "Might be a train..."



#1: "Unidentified vessel, please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

#2: "Negative. Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision."

#1: "This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course!"

#2: "Negative. I say again, you divert your course."

#1: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE. WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"

#2: "This is a lighthouse. Your call…"



Operator entry: Aircraft handles funny.

Mechanic's reply: Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right," and be serious.



Operator entry: Targeting radar hums.

Mechanic's reply: Reprogrammed targeting radar with the words.



39 Lima: "El Toro tower, 39 Lima, student pilot, I'm out of fuel."

Toro tower, sounding somewhat excited: "Roger 39 Lima, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight??!!"

39 Lima: "Uh...tower, I'm parked on the south ramp. I just want to know where the fuel truck is."



Tower: "Delta 351, you have hot targets at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"

Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"



Tower: "Two-one-Zulu, turn right at this time and report your heading."

Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."



Operator entry: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."

Mechanic's reply: "Evidence removed."



Operator entry: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Mechanic's reply: That's what they're there for.



Operator entry: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."


Mechanic's reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."



Tower: "November 2115L, are you an Apache?"

2115L: "No, sir...I am a Hispanic."



Operator entry: "Something loose in cockpit."


Mechanic's reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."





Operator entry: Dead bugs on windshield.


Mechanic's reply: Live bugs on order.



The no. 3 engine was running a little rough, so the pilot wrote it up on the sheet: "Number three engine missing."

The mechanic's report read, "Engine found on right wing after brief search."



In the early 60's a Japan Airlines captain was given an ATC (Air Traffic Control) clearance to hold at a certain fix before landing at Hawaii. He responded, "I am not familiar with that fix. It has been a long time since I've flown into Hawaii."

The controller queried, " How long has it been?"

After a brief pause, the reply came back, "December 7th, 1941."



Approach Control: "Dragonfly 329, traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, 3 miles, eastbound.

329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got that Fokker in sight!"




Operator: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."


mechanic's reply: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."




Operator: "Something loose in cockpit."


mechanic's reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."



Operator : Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.


mechanic's reply: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



Operator: IFF inoperative.


mechanic's reply: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

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