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 Don't let me get me

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Jayde
Warlord
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Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 42
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Don't let me get me   Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:16 pm



If messing yourself up were a crime...I would be in some serious shit.

FACTS OF THE CASE:

Your honor, the defendant did indeed enter the Silver Fox bar at 7:47PM amd he immediately put his credit card down on the bar to start running a tab. What might have seemed like a perfectly normal act to most was without doubt the begining of a professional preparing himself to do some damage. Please keep in mind that the defendant is not your normal drinker...but a man with 10 years military experience....HE IS A PROFESSIONAL...and if you are still not convinced...HE IS ALSO A HORSEMAN. Thats right, this man, if we can call him that, is not your average drinker, but one who has consumed enough alcohol in a night to kill a Yak. He has had enough booze poured into him over the years that if we burned his body he could keep Bangldesh warm for a year. He has honed his skill of drinking to the razors edge and no one in his path is safe.

At 10:00PM the defendant had already engaged 4 pitchers of beer and despite the fact that he knew that he was already way over his normal limit he bought another pitcher....and then another...and then another. Without any mercy, not even a second thought to any of his victims, the defendant wiped out 7 pitchers. Not a single one survived.

He had intent...he had motive...and he is guilty.

The details of the horror I shall leave for your imagination. However, I will again leave my words of wisdom for other to follow.

When drinking a vat of beer, the nose cannot be used as a straw.

Urinals don't move. It's you. Aim center mass.

Bathrooms don't move, they are in the same place as they were when you were sober.

Women don't like it when you walk into their bathroom

Women don't like it when you are in their bathroom and have a smart ass comment:

Woman #1: Hey asshole, this is for ladies.

Asshole pulling penis out: So is this, but occasionally I have to drain it of beer.

Tables at bars should not be placed at nut level

Chairs in bars should have wider bases...they know your gonna be drunk!

Ugly women should be marked with neon when they walk in a bar so drunks can identify them.

"Moo" is not a "polite greeting"

A man can actually get stuck between the toilet and the wall if he falls just right.

Sleeping under a toilet is very uncomfortable

Cat tongues don't feel nice anywhere on your skin

Cats tend to want to be loved at the worst possible times

Small jelous dogs will lick you much faster and wet-er then a cat

Fur is never cool up your nose

Be good my friends....more to come I am sure

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Warlord Jayde
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