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 Age does not always bring wisdom

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Jayde
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Posts : 107
Join date : 2010-05-30
Age : 42
Location : Wintermist

PostSubject: Age does not always bring wisdom   Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:17 pm



After having a heart felt conversation with my 8 year old about her cell phone and her Christmas list, it suddenly occurred to me that I have progressed to the third stage of life:

The Four Stages of Life:

1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
4) You look like Santa Claus

Although I am fighting this whole getting older thing, I am starting to notice the signs of my impending "getting old" doom and my eventual role in the Santa Suit.

Let us take away the obvious signs, such as:

My wife's best friend who calls me, "Daddy"

My friends who call me, "The old Silverback"

My office staff who refer to me as, "The old man"

My EQ nerd friends who refer to me as "Carnus the venerable"

My SCA friends who refer to my fighting style as "Old age and trechery"

My mother who has shared "joint meds" with me

and of course...My best friend who reminded me after hiring a 20 year old HR assistant that I was coming out of the DMV with my license the same time she was coming out of her mother! - thank you Rook

However, as of late I have been seeing and more aptly feeling new signs that perhaps father time is hot on my ass. There are some easy to see signs:

Sleeping injuries (if you have to ask, you are still young)

Mystery bruises

Sitting on your own nuts

Blaming my cat for a grey hair I found in my chest hair and then realizing it was still attached.

On cold mornings walking like the Tin Man to the bathroom

Knowing who the fucking Tin Man is!

making jokes that only people over 30 laugh at

Knowing that Michael Jackson was once the King of Pop and not just some weird, baby dangling, caucasion, pedophile.

...and then some not so easy signs:

Yesterday I read an article (reading...sign #1) in a newspaper (reading something besides comics...sign #2) while having my coffee prior to going to work (up before work with enough time to do something....sign #3) that said statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. What perplexed (big word...sign #4) me most about this is the fact that my first thought was sweet....easy pickins...is just wrong. Espically because at the time when odds are the best I will be lucky to remember my name. I mean, who the the hell thinks like that!

I was sent one of those old age lists and suddenly realised at line #47, which reads "friends smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time."...they are talking about me!

I was out three nights in a row and the only thing I have to show for it (besides the three days of recover I now need) is a new blog post!

...still most disturbing to me:

After a night of overendulgance I woke up the next morning with a hang over (expected) and feeling like crap (expected) and with a few unknown injuries (expected). What I was not prepared for was the fact that I had pulled a neck muscle and thrown out my back from "vomiting". Yes...you heard me. I was vomiting so hard that I actually put my back out and strained my neck. That is when you know you are starting to get old.

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